Samurai warriors would eat peepshi before going into battle as part of a sacred rite. We now understand why death was considered a blessing.

Ah, so you have a hankering for Asian fare, do ya?  What could be better to quell a craving than peepshi? This masterpeeps contains no heavy metals and is ocean-safe. No bits of plastic from the great Pacific trash vortex will find their way between your teeth when you use Peeps® instead of raw fish. You are what you eat and these obi-clad cuties will make you even sweeter than you already are.  They’re easy to make, eco-friendly, vegan, and not the least bit radioactive. They are the sole reason that Geisha houses had such a long run in Japan. Japanese businessmen still flock to establishments that serve this delicacy and after 6 or 7 large saki, they’re chowing down on the Peepshi. Wouldn’t you? Salty seaweed wrapping a wasabi slathered finger of rice with a perched peep? Yum!

Ingredients:

  • Rice
  • Rice vinegar
  • Peeps!
  • Dried seaweed sheets
  • Wasabi
  • Pickled ginger

Wash the sushi rice (yes, that’s what it’s called — or if you want to show off, “shari”) with running water for a minute or two until there is no more starch coming out of it. Then gently place the rice in a pot; combine a little bit more water than rice (the ratio is 1.15 : 1 — water : rice). The rice should be cooked on high heat at first — stir every minute or two — until the water boils. Then, reduce the heat to low and cover the pot. After 6-8 min, check the water level. If there is no more water, then the rice is ready. If not, check back every minute, making sure not to burn the rice on the bottom. (Hint: Get yourself an electric rice cooker that has sushi as one of the cooking options — follow instructions.) Use a wooden spoon (rice no likey the metal) to take out the rice and add rice vinegar. For 3 cups of rice, use ½ cup of rice vinegar, 2 tablespoons of sugar, and 2 teaspoons of salt. Mix the non-rice ingredients together on medium heat until the sugar and salt liquify. Pour over the rice and toss well. Let the rice cool until it’s room temperature. Don’t put the rice in the fridge to make it cool faster – that makes for icky rice.

Cuttin’ it up!

While the rice is cooling, cut up your dried seaweed by pressing a sharp knife into the sheet (see photo — yah, okay, the strips aren’t even. I’m not Japanese. I’m Irish — we don’t know how to make straight lines). Put strips aside.

When the rice is cool, take a spoonful and shape it in the palm of your hand into a nigiri-sushi-looking glob.

Take a finger of wasabi and slather it on the rice glob.

Place your peep.

Wrap the seaweed strip around the rice glob and the peep, then dampen (no licking!) the inside of the overlapping strip to adhere the ends.

どういたしまして。

EscarPeeps like to stick close together to stay warm and produce a false sense of security.

It’s spring! Time to be in the garden spreading Slug Death® around the tender shoots giggling maniacally whilst wringing your hands. I look forward to it every year. The beauty of Slug Death (I just love that name — so unequivocal) is that it works on snails as well. Slugs may leave a satisfying goo, but snails leave handy food holders. The French figured this out long ago when they cooked the snails in garlic and butter and gave it a fancy-pants name. I hear Marie Antoinette would lose her head over escargot when served at the Palais. But in the here and now, we have EscarPeeps® or as they say in Arkansas, Peepscargot. It’s an excellent appetizer that comes complete with entertainment. Race your EscarPeeps with high-stakes betting to get the par-tay rolling. Finally a nonviolent Peep activity!

Ingredients:

  • Peeps!
  • Snail Shells

Optional slime recipe:

  • Jam of your choice
  • Wee bit o’ hot water

Combine jam and water until it’s a liquid, yet slimy consistency. Place yer Peeps. Drizzle a trail behind them (remember, they get lost easily).

EscarPeeps racing is uber fun! Although the Peeps do have a hard time getting to the finish line. Their sense of direction sucks.

4 and 20 Peeps (okay, 5) sitting on their perch (not the fish) discussing Kant and the relevance of catechistics.

The Peeps® are really on a sugar kick these days. So much so that you’d think they’re made of the stuff. That’s because it’s Fall, the time of year that Peeps get broody and want to nest. So we came up with a sweet spot for them to lay their patooties down and doo that voo doo that Peeps doo so well which gives us more Peeps in the spring. It’s biology folks. What did you think? That they’re made in a factory or something?  Squirted out of a tube? Heavens no. Peeps have a very elaborate mating ritual prior to Peep-patootie putting, but it’s far too private to share on the Internet. Although there may be a Peep porn site out there — you just never know how sick some people can be.

Peeps are very picky about texture so we experimented with various types of frosting. They liked the cream cheese version best. You can see how happily they wiggled their way into the froth and snuggled their bottoms into Peep-laying mode.

Peeps stay in their nests until the baby Peeps appear — that’s why there is the telltale sign of Peep poo on the CupPeepCake – at least it’s colorful and looks like confetti (and it doesn’t stink). Peeps have everything they need right there on the icing: food, cozy warmth, and their fellow Peeps right next door on the plate. It’s a happy time in the kitchen as they anticipate the little ones’ arrival. It’s also a huge relief that they’ve gotten past the PMS (Peeps Mating Syndrome), which makes them all bloated and cranky. It’s been a rough couple of weeks.

White Cupcakes

Ingredients

• 2 cups all-purpose flour (the white kind)
• 1-1/2 cups white sugar (Peeps prefer organic which isn’t white but they’re fussy)
• 3 teaspoons baking powder (which IS white)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt (white again)
• 4 egg whites from large eggs (which are — yup, you guessed it, white)
• 1/2 cup shortening (Crisco is white — but it’s also gross, you may want to try butter which isn’t white, but tastes so much better)
• 1 cup 2% milk (white white white)
• 2 large eggs
• 1-1/2 teaspoon vanilla (which isn’t white but is very delish)

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Line cupcake pans with paper liners. I just love paper liners because I’m not keen on doing dishes. I think this is the big advantage of CupPeepCakes over normal-sized cakes. Clean up is a breeze and no worries about the bottom of the cake sticking to the pan.

Mix flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, shortening, milk, and vanilla  in a large mixing bowl.  Mix at low speed for 2 minutes if using machinery or if mixing by hand, until batter is smooth.  Scrape bowl. Go on, lick the spoon — this is why we bake!  Add egg whites and mix at high speed until fluffy and smooth, approximately 2 minutes or until all mixed and loverly — again lick spoon.

Spoon batter into the liners until they’re 1/2 to 2/3 full.  Lick spoon. Bake 20-25 minutes (ish) or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

Cool 10 minutes in the pan then remove the cupcakes, and place them on wire racks to cool completely.

Frost, sprinkle, and place your Peeps.

Frosting:

Ingredients

  • 1/4 cup cream cheese, softened (more whiteness)
  • 1/4 cup butter, softened (still not white)
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla (see above)
  • 1-1/2 cups powdered sugar (white!)

Preparation

In a bowl (I know you wanted to mix it on the counter — silly you), beat the cream cheese with the butter; beat in the vanilla; beat in the sugar, 1/2 portion at a time until smooth. If you want to get fancypants about the frosting, put it in a pastry bag with a decorative schnozzle and squirt pretty patterns on top of the cupcake. The Peeps will appreciate your effort. They have very good taste.

Lick spoon.

This Peep was so excited about the new Peeps to come that she pushed a little too hard… Peep poo galore. The other Peeps laughed so hard that they pooed too — now they all have colorful CupPeepCakes in which to nest.

Nothing like glow-in-the-dark food to get the saliva going.

I was resting peacefully one night doing what I do best, thinking about Peeps® and the American dream when I had an epiphany. What could be more all-American than Cheetos® brand cheese puffs — bright orange, no nutritional value whatsoever, full of fat, and crunchalicious? Then I epiphanized again when I pondered, “what would make Cheetos even more American?” Like a bolt of lightening it came to me — birds of a feather, namely chicken and Peeps. Yes, this is a fowl dish. When I went to the store to purchase the Cheetos — for I usually don’t buy such things (no doubt you question my patriotism) and have them laying about because you know if it’s here, I’m gonna eat it and I’m already getting a waistline like my mother (what waist?), but I digress — I was surprised at the Cheeto options layed out before me on multiple shelves. There were puffed, crunchy, and different flavored varieties. Being the adventurous sort, I opted for the “Flaming Hot,” crunchy Cheetos because I didn’t want to have that fake-orange color on my food. It’d be like eating solid Tang®. Where as neon red, yum — see photo — you can’t get much more naturally yummy looking than that!

This is how the Pilgrims made Cheetos Chicken Peeps before the Native American’s showed them how to use a Cuisinart.

Please learn from my experience when preparing this dish. The crunchy Cheetos are very hard to smash into a bread-crumb like consistency so you may want to get the puffed. I mean they’re really hard to smoosh unless you have a fancy-schmancy food processor or something, which I do not. I first tried a potato masher, to no avail. The Cheetos just few out of the pan and onto the counter. It was kind of like fireworks, but not what I was after. (Note to self for an interactive dish around July.) Luckily I had a sledge hammer which worked very well.

This is a surprisingly easy dish to make, perfect after a long day at work. The Peeps weren’t too keen on doing it however. They’re jealous of the market share, brand recognition, and advertising budget of Cheetos. They thought that they might not get top billing on the dish as they usually do. I mentioned that not everything is always all about them. I almost had a riot going on in the kitchen. Live and learn. Our compromise was that they’d be on top of the Cheeto-crusted chicken, thus showing their dish dominance. Why couldn’t I have chosen something easy to blog about, like rubber duckies. They don’t talk back.

INGREDIENTS:

  • Chicken breasts
  • 1 egg
  • Cheetos — whatever variety you want
  • Peeps

DIRECTIONS:

  • Preheat the oven to 350 degrees
  • Beat the egg
  • Smash the Cheetos
  • Dip the chicken in the egg, then into the crushed Cheetos
  • Bake for 1/2 hour
  • Place your Peeps

yum

Just look at ‘em — mugging for the camera trying to upstage the Cheetos.

Le beau Croissants du Peep

Croissants du Peep add a bit of joy to your Sunday Brunch because nothing is better than making fun of the French. Our perky Peeps ® playfully poke out of the croissant to wish you and your guests a happy start to your day. Coffee, Croissants du Peep, and the Sunday paper are the perfect combination and an excellent way to start the last day of your weekend. Enjoy them in bed. Peeps are great for picking up the crumbs — not unlike a lint roller.

Ingredients

  • 1 package of zee active dry yeast
  • 1 cup warm eau (water) (110 degrees F/45 C)
  • 3/4 cup evaporated lait (milk)
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons sal (salt)
  • 1/3 cup white sucre (sugar)
  • 1 oeuf (egg)
  • 5 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/4 cup melted beurre (butter)
  • 1 cup chilled and diced beurre
  • 1 more oeuf but zees one, she eez beaten
  • Les Peeps

Directions

  1. Een a large bowl, dissolve zee yeast in warm water. Let eet stand until creamy, about 10 minutes. Stir een zee salt, sugar, 1 egg, 1 cup flour and melted butter. Beat to make a smooth batter; set aside.
  2. Een a large bowl, cut zee cup of chilled butter eento zee remaining four cups of flour, until zee butter particles are zee size of dried beans. Pour zee yeast batter over zees and carefully turn zee meexture over weeth a spatula to blend, just until all zee flour eez moistened. Cover weeth plastic wrap and refrigerate until she eez well chilled, at least 4 hours. You have up to four days to use thees refrigerated meexture.
  3. Turn zee dough out onto a floured surface; press eento compact balls and knead about 6 turns to release zee air bubbles. Divide zee dough into four equal parts. Shape one at a time. Refrigerate zee remaining dough.
  4. Roll one part of zee dough on a floured board eento a circle 17 inches een diameter. Weeth a sharp knife or pizza cutter, cut zee circle eento eight equal pie-shaped wedges. Roll zee wedges loosely toward zee point. Shape each roll eento a crescent and place on an ungreased baking sheet. Each roll should be about 1.5 eenches away from zee ozeer so zeey don’t all rise eento one grande croissant mass…unless of course you want to and then absolutely do eet. I’m not sure what zee baking time would be – but hey! Peeps are all about pushing zee boundaries. Write me and let me know how eet worked out.
  5. Cover and let zem rise at room temperature until zey’ve almost doubled in size (approximately 2 hours.) While you’re waeeting, preheat zee oven to 325 degrees F.
  6. Brush zee croissants weeth beaten egg. Bake een preheated oven for 35 minutes, or unteel zey are golden.
  7. Let zem cool
  8. Gently leeft part of zee croissant and pop een zee Peep so zee Peep eez peeping out. Shove in as many as you feel are needed to make your Croissant du Peep complete.

Shortcut

Go to Le Costco and buy zee croissants zere – skeep to step huit (8).

Who wouldn't love to wake up to these faces!

Best to eat your Peeps Porridge hot and quickly before the water balloon fights start. Peeps get bored so quickly!

Best to eat your Peeps Porridge hot and quickly before the water balloon fights start. Peeps get bored so quickly!

If you have nine days to spare waiting around for pea soup to sit in a pot, then go for it. If however you’re up for a more timely repast, Peeps® Porridge Hot is for you. Porridge is a mushy dish made of boiled meal — for example — funnily enough — oatmeal. You can also use Quinoa or wheat or any other grain you may fancy. There are many forms of porridge, savory and sweet, from all over the world. The Chinese have a version of peas porridge and of course there is the famous British version with the typical weird spelling that has too many vowel (“pease” — I mean really…) that was turned into a nursery rhyme.

The peeps weren’t into the pea thing, because they’d already participated in a bean soup and felt that they had hot legumes covered — so they chose oats for our porridge. It can be made with boiling water or milk. It’s so yummy even Oliver Twist asked for more — oh, wait that was gruel, but that’s just watery porridge so we’re good. A little known fact is that it was actually hot cereal that gave Oliver the gumption to turn his back on a life of crime and move in with Mr. Brownlow who made a mean pot o’ porridge.

As you may recall the peeps were very interested in having more breakfast dishes represented in their blog, so we created Peeps Porridge Hot. It’s an excellent pre-ski dish in that it is as yummy as it is warming. It’ll give you your daily allowance of fiber and the week’s allowance of sugar. The peeps love swimming around in the hot, grainy cereal leaving a trail of marshmallowy goodness wherever they go. It’s a win-win situation where they get a warm bottom and you get sweetness to start  your day.

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup rolled oats
  • 3 cups water
  • Dried fruit of your choice
  • Cinnamon and/or nutmeg if you’re adventurous
  • Milk to taste
  • Peeps

Easy to Follow Directions:

  1. Soak the oats in 1 cup of water for 4 minutes.
  2. While the oats are soaking, bring 2 cups of water and any spices to boil
  3. When the water begins to boil, add the oats along with any residual soaking liquid.
  4. Stir in the dried fruit and reduce the heat to low.
  5. Cook covered for 5 – 6 minutes or until the mixture becomes thick… add more water if you prefer gruel.
  6. Remove from heat, stir in milk to taste and add your peeps.

IMG_0601

Peeps photos, note cards, and guestbook

Last night was the spectacular gallery opening of The Peep Show where photos, commentary, and recipes from the blog were shown. Peeps hors d’oeuvres (Sooz’s Weeenie Peeps® and Peeps®  B & J) were in abundance and got such accolades as, “not bad.” The artwork depicting Cheetos® Flaming Hot Chicken Peeps® sold right away and will live in the kitchen of my esthetician and her boyfriend who apparently, “almost peed” when they read the blog post the first time. Why they want to have something that makes them pee hanging in the kitchen, I don’t understand — but it takes all kinds. Plenty of people peeped in to see the display and partook of PBR and boxed wine while roaming from peep photo display to peep food item to peep guestbook, which added to the general peepishness of the evening. The show will be up for about a month and if I sell any more peep photos, I’ll let you know. The peeps themselves were beside, well, themselves, with glee (and on the plate). It was a peeptacular evening.

and I quote, "not bad."

and I quote, “not bad.”

IMG_0586

Enthusiastic crowd

Peeps casting long shadows in the early morning light.

Peeps casting long shadows in the early morning light.

The Peeps® and I were sitting around talking about the blog and they pointed out that breakfast is sorely underrepresented here. Other than Croissants du Peep, there really isn’t a good, hearty breakfast choice. So we came up with Peeps Benedict, a peepier version of the usual artery-blocking favorite. The peeps love hollandaise sauce just like everyone else on the planet. (How can you go wrong with butter, milk, and lemon — other than curdling which of course is going way wrong.) It was all I could do to keep them out of the sauce. Actually this is a problem with any recipe; the peeps love hitting the sauce. They gobble it down, bathe in it, throw it around the kitchen — one time they completely doused themselves with the stuff, after taking a few long pulls on the bottle of course, and jumped on the dog and rode him like a bronco all around the kitchen. Goodness gracious what a mess that was. It totally freaked out the poor canine of course and he’s never been able to look at the peeps without fear in his eyes since. In fact, I now keep him in another part of the house when I’m cooking with peeps. It’s just too traumatic for the poor animal.

But I digress. Peeps Benedict is an easy-peepsy recipe that I’m sure you’ll enjoy. And if you don’t, do as the peeps do and drink more sauce.

Ingredients

  • 4 pieces of Canadian bacon
  • 4 eggs
  • 2 teaspoons white or rice vinegar
  • 2 English muffins
  • Butter
  • More butter
  • Peeps

Hollandaise Sauce

  • 1/4 cup butter
  • 3 egg yolks
  • 1 Tbsp lemon juice
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • Dash of cayenne pepper

Directions

Cook the bacon.

While the bacon is cooking, bring a large saucepan two-thirds-filled with water to a boil. Add the vinegar. Bring it to a boil again, then lower the heat to a simmer.

Get out the blender and throw in the egg yolks, lemon juice, and salt. Blend on medium until the eggs lighten in color. Turn the blender to lowest setting. Drizzle in the melted butter while continuing to blend. Transfer the sauce to a container you can use for pouring and set it in a warm place.

Poach the eggs. Working with one egg at a time, crack it into a small bowl and slip it into the simmering water. Once it begins to solidify, you can slip in another egg, until you have all four cooking. Turn off the heat, cover the pan, and let sit for 4 minutes. Gently lift out the eggs with a slotted spoon.

Toast the English muffins while the eggs are poaching.

Butter the English muffins. Top with 1 slice of Canadian bacon. Put an egg on top of the bacon. Place your peep, then pour on the hollandaise.

Not just the English Muffins are toasted in this dish.

Not just the English Muffins are toasted in this dish.

Peeps nestled in rice noodles, what could be better?

Peeps nestled in rice noodles with a slice of lime, what could be better?

When you need to Thai one on, what could be better than going asian with Peeps® Phad Thai? When I told the Peeps about this dish they got really excited, because they thought (for some reason) that it had to do with rocket ships. I was very confused, until they cleared up the whole launch pad, vs lunch Phad thing. Sometimes I wonder about those peeps — they can be so cute and frisky, and yet so stoopid. Well, what should I expect from chicks with marshmallow for brains (not a blonde joke)?

But I digress, it turns out Phad Thai is much more common in Thai restaurants in the United States than it is anywhere else in the world — including Thailand where this dish may or may not have originated. I can tell you that the Peeps version is even rarer. Apparently there is some thought that is should be Peeps Phad Viet Nam.  So when you want to wow your guests with an exotic and controversial dish — this is the one for you. Just like the Peeps’ intellect, it’s very noodley and kinda slimy. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

  • 9 oz. rice noodles
  • 3 – 5 Peeps (or if you’re really adventurous, add chicken or shrimp)
  • 1.5 tbsp. soy sauce
  • 4 minced cloves of garlic
  • 1-2 fresh red or green chilies, finely sliced
  • 1 tsp. grated ginger
  • 4 sliced scallions
  • 1 or 2 eggs (depending on how eggy you want to get)
  • 2-3 cups bean sprouts
  • 1/3 cup chopped dry roasted unsalted peanuts
  • 3 tbsp. vegetable oil for stir-frying
  • lime wedges for serving and plate beautification

Sauce:

  • 1/3 cup chicken stock
  • 3 tbsp. rice vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. fresh lime juice
  • 2 tbsp. brown sugar
  • 1 tbsp. fish sauce
  • 1 tbsp. soy sauce
  • 1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper

Directions:

  1. Place Peeps (or your shrimp or chicken — whatever) in a bowl and toss with soy sauce. Set aside.
  2. Combine ‘Pad Thai Sauce’ ingredients together in a cup, stirring to dissolve sugar. Set aside.
  3. Bring a large pot of water to boil. Dunk in rice noodles and switch off heat. Allow noodles to soak until soft enough to bend easily (about 5 minutes), but still firm. Drain and rinse noodles briefly with cold water to keep from sticking. Set aside.
  4. Heat a wok or large frying pan over medium-high heat. Add oil, then sauté the garlic with the chili, ginger, and the white parts of the green onion (keep green tops for later). Fry 1 minute, stirring constantly.
  5. Add marinated peeps (or whatever) and fry 2 minutes. If pan becomes dry, add 1-2 tbsp. of the Phad Thai sauce.
  6. Push the ingredients to the side of the pan. Crack the eggs into the center of the pan and scramble. Then add noodles plus 3-4 Tbsp. of the Phad Thai sauce. Toss until the noodles are chewy and a little bit sticky (8ish minutes).
  7. Gently fold in the bean sprouts (they will soften down into the heat of the noodles while remaining crispy).
  8. Spoon out onto individual plates and add a lime wedge on the side and a little pile of not-cooked bean sprouts. Top with green onion and a small heap of chopped/ground nuts.
The peeps enjoyed hanging on the platter with the salsas and limes. If it weren't for the cat calling every time a chica walked by, I would have enjoyed the meal more.

The peeps enjoyed hanging out on the platter with the salsas and limes. If it weren’t for the catcalling every time a chica walked by, I would have enjoyed the meal more.

During the short time that the Peeps® were allowed out of the suitcase in Mexico, we had a lovely al fresco lunch in a plaza in Zacatecas right across from a church. We watched the passersby as they played chase-the-children, and children played throw-the-ball-at-the-adult. A few priests joined in the fun for a few minutes before running back into the cathedral to celebrate another mass.

The Peeps had a special place in the hearts of the locals and on the condiment dish. They happily hopped into the warm tortillas to cozy up with beef adobo that my companion enjoyed while I chowed down on the chicken tacos. Sure, the Peeps were familiar with hanging out in such a fashion from their experience with Tacos del Peeps con Sombreros but this was an authentic Mexican dish — not just something some white girl in Seattle cooked up with taco shells from Safeway. The peeps got to experience true south-of-the-border cuisine and hospitality — until they got so obnoxious that they were banished to the suitcase for the rest of the trip. I warned them. Oh, yes I did. But you know peeps, they just don’t listen. They think they can run around like a bunch of banditos, shooting off their pistolas and their mouths during mass. We were there for Christmas you know and that’s a big deal in a Catholic country like Mexico. To my great embarrassment, they just couldn’t keep their peeps in their pants. I had no choice but to step in and sequester them. They tried to gain sanctuary in one of the many churches in town, but even the priests had had enough of them. As Father Inglesias said, “look, I have 7 masses a day. I don’t have time for this shit.”

My companion was cutting down on marshmallow so he only indulged in one peep with his carne adobo.

My companion was cutting down on marshmallow so he only indulged in one peep with his carne adobo.

My pollo tacos were even sweeter tasting for the peeps. They'd roll in various salsas and then jump into the tortilla with a big splash.

My pollo tacos were even sweeter tasting for the peeps. They’d roll in various salsas and then jump into the tortilla with a big splash.

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